We reached up to almost

D and I have enjoyed an evening full of pensiveness. Such an irony. I just had a messy break up and so as D. Each with our respective Ex's. We hardly knew each other at that time.

My impression with D is, D is such an elegant person. One who speaks with class and prim. You would know that by the way D speaks and acts, that D is really a kind-hearted person and D would never even break a plate (as the saying goes). D is a picture of an innocent angel. When D told me about what happened with the love that is offered, lost and wasted I can't help but to cry. I can really say that D and I are alike a lot. I am just more dominant but in summary, we both do not offer unsubstantiated love that's why we mourn like there's no tomorrow.

D was a victim of infidelity of the Ex that found excitement in others. I was a victim also of a partner that was perfidious at the beginning. We're both on the same boat although have carried different weights of strain. I feel a sudden natural connection, like my sympathy with D is limitless, it goes thru the soul. I wanna say, "D, rest in my arms for I know how painful it is." How could an angel found itself so broken?"

Excerpts from our long conversation.

D: You know what's the saddest part of losing the battle?

Me: What?

D: It's the same as fire that ate all your shelter, clothes and riches. I have nothing left.

Me: Yeah, I know the feeling D. But don't worry, you got ME now. I can be your source of anything.

D: Don't you think I'm becoming selfish if I ask from you? You also need support from what you've been thru.

Me: Yeah maybe. However, hearing your story made me feel eased somehow. Why? I think the weight that you're carrying is heavier than mine. I pity your situation. I wish I could do something about it. I was enlightened that what happened to me is really just a small rock in this big mountain that is blocking your happiness. I also realized that I should no longer prolong my agony that I can move forward from this. I lost the person whom I thought I could share the rest of my life with but at the end, turned out to be not worth it. I have so much anger.

D: I can't imagine that I'm actually sharing all of these to you. I am not the type of person that tells everything even the smallest details.

Me: I'm glad you did. I feel more blessed,  not because I am considering that you aren't. It's just that if I were in your shoes, maybe I already did something bad to retaliate.

D: The idea of retaliation plays on my mind over and over again. That I want to do something to hurt them back.

Me: Maybe you can. Don't ask me now because I might say "Go ahead"


D: I am really sad. Sometimes, I think of just dying, like never waking up from a sleep but I hardly get a good one lately.

Me: I know the feeling. 

I got no words for D, so I hugged D tight.

D: Thank you.

When we parted ways that night, I can't describe what I felt. One thing is for sure, there's joy and there's sadness.

What on earth could hurt a beautiful person like D? D maybe boring because D is very kind, but why would someone hurt D so bad? Even for myself that I think I am really good enough for someone. What kind of people would do that to us? These questions kept on flashing in my psyche.

For weeks, we keep on discussing what happened. For months, it became lesser and lesser until we get used to spend alone time together. I think D became happier but still something is missing. I, on the other hand have learned to totally shutdown the empty world where my everything was burned down. I was finally starting to build a new one.

Few more months have passed, I have not heard from D. The days became atypical. I kept on thinking, is there something going on inside me? Am I feeling that feeling again? I shut it down. It could be just the situation.

One fine day while I am still thinking of D, I got a very sad message.

I am sorry for being so selfish. I felt that I used you for me to move on from eveyrthing that is hurtful. The truth is, I wish I could program myself to just love you that way I love my ex. We never talked about this but I thought it's really not hard to love a person like you. You're great! I also wanna say that I started seeing my ex again and my heart is more inclined in giving forgiveness. Speak to you soon.



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