Tuesday, December 6, 2016

False Alarm

Should the heart feel despair when it thought that it beats for you?

You - who offered matters that never existed before.

You - who asked for my whereabouts, how have I been, how was my day?

You- who was a proxy of my lost love.

You - who covered me blanket of safe keeping until I fell asleep with a smile.

The heart spent a lot of time thinking, until the mind took over the responsibility that the heart shouldn't suppose to do in the first place.

The heart continued to crawl underneath a narrow space where great souls are floating, until it beats no more. I can no longer hear it shouting your name.

There is no scientific explanation as to why this occurrence happens in the deep shit of emotions.

The mind has a dual role in this phenomena. A defense council that objects and a Judge that overrules it.

Meanwhile, the heart is a mute suspect that is so helpless. It sends signals.

But the signal is a False Alarm.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Show hidden anger

It's been a great lengthy sleep.

I lost weight.
I had a fantastic dream which feels real. I cried and laughed in my sleep.
I've met new people. Wonderful people that makes me feel belonged.
I have moved forward.

Until I woke up.

I woke up on sheets of anger.

Love is my blanket but my sheets are rage.

It's you who made me feel low.

It's you who put me in a situation where:

I loathe myself.
I lost few friends.
I was bullied by a fat and gluttonous religious pig.
I sealed myself inside a canister of  doubt where it's hard to trust again.

I'm gonna sleep again.

It's not that I am getting soft again. It's because I wanna sleep and wake up in a world without your shadow.

I prefer to have blanket made in anger but underneath are sheets of love.

Monday, August 29, 2016

When we're hurt

When we're hurt or been hurt, we always retaliate. I am not sure if this is always true. If there is someone out there who can easily forgive then I would like to be friends with him or her. Life is full of broken things. Broken self, broken relationships, broken mirrors and broken iPhone screens. The most difficult thing to do is to be morally above all perpetrators. It's like doing bur-pees that rapidly vanishes away all extra weights.

I can imagine how someone would like to kill if their loved ones are being murdered. Getting even is the most instant reaction of all people being hurt. We want to take revenge. We want to hurt them back, at least the same or more than what they have caused us. It's being human. On the other hand, not doing anything with the situation of hurt is called being "Godly."

I became abusive, emotionally and physically at some point in my life. I am revealing this secret now without any shame. I was abused too. This is something that we normally do not discuss. We were hurt, we hurt them back. We lash out. Hurt is like LOVE. It won't go away immediately, especially if the root cause of the hurt and pain keeps on bearing fruits. Tendency is we garden the pain with our green thumb. We feel morbidly insecure, we feel unimportant and unloved. And so, we flood the perpetrators back with overflowing tides of HURT.

I am no better than the person or the people that hurt me. I am standing with them in an evenly moral grounds. I am praying hard to be better than them. I would want to bless them with forgiveness when they hurt me again. Pray for them that they maybe enlightened with the truth. 

This is what I want. This is what I will work hard for my future. It will be a new me! I will do unlimited bur-pees until my body gets exhausted. After all, I am throwing things from my excess baggage.