Monday, August 29, 2016

When we're hurt

When we're hurt or been hurt, we always retaliate. I am not sure if this is always true. If there is someone out there who can easily forgive then I would like to be friends with him or her. Life is full of broken things. Broken self, broken relationships, broken mirrors and broken iPhone screens. The most difficult thing to do is to be morally above all perpetrators. It's like doing bur-pees that rapidly vanishes away all extra weights.

I can imagine how someone would like to kill if their loved ones are being murdered. Getting even is the most instant reaction of all people being hurt. We want to take revenge. We want to hurt them back, at least the same or more than what they have caused us. It's being human. On the other hand, not doing anything with the situation of hurt is called being "Godly."

I became abusive, emotionally and physically at some point in my life. I am revealing this secret now without any shame. I was abused too. This is something that we normally do not discuss. We were hurt, we hurt them back. We lash out. Hurt is like LOVE. It won't go away immediately, especially if the root cause of the hurt and pain keeps on bearing fruits. Tendency is we garden the pain with our green thumb. We feel morbidly insecure, we feel unimportant and unloved. And so, we flood the perpetrators back with overflowing tides of HURT.

I am no better than the person or the people that hurt me. I am standing with them in an evenly moral grounds. I am praying hard to be better than them. I would want to bless them with forgiveness when they hurt me again. Pray for them that they maybe enlightened with the truth. 

This is what I want. This is what I will work hard for my future. It will be a new me! I will do unlimited bur-pees until my body gets exhausted. After all, I am throwing things from my excess baggage.

Monday, August 1, 2016

The stranger in my heart

Dear Stranger,

Today I watched your birthday video when I was browsing the media on my phone. I am practically a BUM, not doing anything and got a million thoughts playing. I felt that you're new to me. It's been couple of months since the last time I kissed you tenderly. It's been weeks since the last time my eyes glanced at your beauty. I felt different. It's like I never knew you at all.

You wiped your eyes before you blew your cake, paused for like twenty seconds while smiling (making a wish?) then you killed the spark of the candles. That smile was unfamiliar to me. It's like I never saw you smile. The way you moved your hands is like of a wanderer. It's like you never embraced me at all. The way you looked at the people around is alien to me. It's like I never bonded with you... with a crowd.

Just not a long ago, you were the only person I knew. I danced in the tune of your music. I sang a million songs to please your ears. I knew you very well... so well that I forgot that we coexist with other living organisms on earth and even grasshoppers need air. You polluted my soul. You conquered my languorous heart. 

Hey Stranger! You left your image in my heart, but my mind already forgot who you were and myself is incognizant of who you are now.



Tuesday, June 28, 2016

The one who left

I was thinking that in the Yin and Yang of relationships, we truly do not deserve the one who left.

There were countless times that you promised me you are SURE. You won't wake up someday not wanting me anymore. You convinced me to buy you ticket to my dreams but I noticed that you didn't pack your bags. Well I have complicated dreams, and there are lots of "to bring" list.

However, I packed for you and brought stuff that we may need. I told myself, maybe you can decide what to wear in the promised trip. I got it all prepared.

It was a rainy afternoon when I arrived at the station. I waited until 11PM. We missed countless successions. Until I decided to board alone.

You weren't coming. But If you ever decide to come back and find me, promise me darling that you won't ever leave again.